We all have to leave this lifetime at some time or another.  It’s confusing and often painful though, when one of us leaves before the rest of us are ready or even thinking about letting go.  I don’t understand why some leave when we don’t expect it.  I didn’t expect Dad to leave, but he expected it and tried to prepare the rest of us.  I just didn’t want to listen and believe what he was telling me.  He was the most vitally thinking person I have known and I didn’t listen – and I did not prepare myself.

Now his secretary, Barb Bradley, his confidant and more than anything, his friend, is gone too.  I didn’t know her that well, but she knew me – through my Dad’s eyes.  Her wonderful husband is grieving now, much like Mom has been over the past year. 

It hurts, terribly.  The ones we love move on, leaving us here.  Not knowing for certain where they are or how we can pick up the pieces without them here tending to us and making our lives whole. 

I think of my Grandma.  She lost her husband and was able to go on. She was extraordinary.  Dad acknowledged that and I always have too.

I think of my own mortality.  I worry that my husband will suddenly be gone.  

Whatever happens,  happens.  I’m certainly not prepared.

I will keep doing what I can to take care of my mom.  I will continue to work, get paid, and pay my bills. 

Life goes on.  We should rejoice in life.  And we should pay attention to life.  To love.  To those we have lost. To what they mean to us. To what they have made us.